My carpenter and I

(a phrase to conjure with) visited Pupkewitz Megabuild, touted as the largest hardware and building materials centre in the country, looking for some timber to build a staircase. Paid in advance, as required, and went out to the cavernous yard. Plenty of wood, but after half an hour’s search, not a single straight piece. Eventually got our money back, and found what we wanted at a much smaller place down the road. Frustrating, but when you come to think of it, you would not have expected to find anything straight at Pupkewitz, would you?

PMB is part of the Pupkewitz empire, which used to encompass everything from bedside rugs to cell phones to structural steel. Luckily, South African chains have made some inroads into this, but he still has a stranglehold on the motor industry, successfully lobbying the Namibian Government some time ago to basically ban the import of affordable Japanese used cars. Reason- he has the distributorship, strangely enough of both the leading Japanese marques, so that if you want one of these you have to deal with Pupkewitz Nissan or Pupkewitz Toyota respectively, whose customer policy implies you have to manage the tricky feat of approaching them on hands and knees with the required cash in hand. Well worth the trouble of heading to South Africa and bringing one back (saving yourself a few thousand Nam dollars).

Some say it is not nice to refer to a 90 year old as a thieving c_unt. I respond that this simply makes him a very old thieving c_unt.

As a recent visiting SA stand-up put it: “I had a pupkewitz on a sensitive part of my anatomy, but luckily it received medical attention in time…” Indeed.